In 1986, Jon Bon Jovi and his band decided to turn Tommy, now 56, and Gina, now 54, into household names. The major rock anthem about a down on their luck couple, was supposed to propel these two Jersey lovers into a lifetime of fame and glory. It didn’t go as planned. Continue reading “Livin’ On a Prayer Doesn’t Work”
But enough of me. Let’s talk about you. What do you think of me? – Ed Koch
Inspired by Ben Lecomte, who is hoping to become the first person to swim across the Pacific Ocean, I’ve decided to attempt something far more dangerous, and, if successful, far more impressive. Continue reading “Self-Awareness”
“Tissues huh?” asked the grocery store cashier. “Allergies?”
“I think so,” I responded begrudgingly, annoyed at this blatant invasion of my privacy.
Dear Cloud Eight,
It’s not you, and don’t you dare go thinking for a second that it is! You aren’t the reason people ignore you to focus on that annoyingly hard to achieve Cloud right above you. There isn’t a more overrated Cloud out there than Nine. Continue reading “An Open Letter to Cloud Eight”
There are several misnomers and stereotypes about life in a fitness center sauna. It is my duty to dispel those rumors.
First and foremost, the sauna at my local gym is not overrun by former-KGB, towel-wearing, Russian oligarchs, with white chest hair and scary accents. In fact, that couldn’t be farther from the truth. These intimidating men are from Uzbekistan, and it’s best not to lavish them with praise of “Mother Russia.” They hate that. Continue reading “The Sauna Effect”
My title of “Greatest Jigsaw Puzzle Solver in the World” is a lonely and burdensome moniker. The notoriety and adulation from my adoring public, while fulfilling, masks an internal struggle that I’ve been having with myself for decades. Continue reading “Picking up the Pieces”
Long before Geordi La Forge was the chief engineer of the Starship Enterprise in 2364, he was my roommate at Star Fleet Academy in the late 1980s. Some of you may be wondering why Geordi was in the academy in the late 1980s, yet found himself on Captain Picard’s ship some 376 years later (yes, I used a calculator). Continue reading “Warp Speed”
It was never a relationship that was going to last. There were too many factors involved. Genetics, for one, probably played the biggest role. Irresponsible decisions I made in my youth had something to do with it, too. Eventually, the decisions you make do have a way of catching up to you. Continue reading “Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow”
“I’m bored,” I told my parents one day, when I was nine years old.
“Dig a hole to China,” my dad said.
So, I did. Continue reading “Dis-shoveled”
“Can my buddy come over for a sleepover?” I asked.
“You are forty years old,” said my wife. “Aren’t you too old for a sleepover?” Continue reading “Sleepovers”
The Author of Sarcasm 