The hurricane wasn’t forecasted to affect Maryland, but I still felt that discretion was the better part of valor. So, I, along with my family, traveled back to Victorian England, circa 1840, to eliminate the possible dangers that can result from poor forecasting.
Many of you are rolling your eyes at this very moment, as I write to you from the distant past. For the skeptics, below is photographic proof that we are currently in the year of our Lord, 1840. It’s advisable to say “Year of our Lord,” if you ever find yourself in 1840. These folks haven’t really “come around” yet. Not to worry. I’m working on it. Keep an eye on the history books, because they may be changing before your very eyes.
As you can see, we have adjusted quite well to our new surroundings, though my son is having a terrible time finding a basketball to play with. Brits play weird games. Also, there is no wifi, or cell phones, or electricity for phone charging. This has been an adjustment, especially for my pre-teen daughter.
We absolutely love our derby and top hat and canes. The ladies are enjoying their fans and brollies (umbrellas).
It’s been such a smooth transition, in fact, that we have decided to stay. Between the low cost of living, the delicious fish and chips, and much cooler weather, you simply can’t beat 1840 England. Cholera sucks, but with my background in Public Health, along with the supply of bottled water I brought with me on the journey, we are good to go for quite a while. Hand sanitizer is a must-have as well, just FYI.
Why Victorian England, you might ask? I’ve wanted to see it ever since I read Great Expectations by Charles Dickens when I was a kid.
The hardest part of the transition? The accents. Ugh. Initially, we had decided to tell everyone we were from America. However, these normally cheery old folks seemed to grow annoyed with talk about Americans and the outcome of the Revolutionary War. In one such case, it led to an argy-bargy (a heated argument) between myself and the blacksmith. In their defense, sixty-some years isn’t really enough time to get over a grudge. Therefore, we made a family decision that we would assimilate ourselves into their culture as much as possible. Not being able to wear my favorite George Washington t-shirt has been tough, but why stir the pot?
Oh, we brought our cat with us. I know many of you were wondering.
My 2017 neighbor has agreed to mow the lawn for me. He’s owed me ever since I took his trash can out for him when he went to Cabo back in 2004.
For the beer drinkers out there, I must say there are some darn good microbrews in 1840 England. Refrigeration hasn’t been invented yet, so you’ll have to get used to warm beer, but this allows you to enjoy a pint without the unnerving pressure of having to consume it before it gets to room temperature. The best beer to drink is stress-free beer.
What do I do for a living? I’m a sarcasm writer for the London Times. Brits love their sarcasm. I get a handful of shillings, which is more than enough money to support a family here. Once, when my editor gave me my money for the week, I said, “Please sir, I want some more,” à la Oliver Twist. That brought the house down. I can be pretty hilarious when I want to be.
Oh, don’t worry about us inventing things prematurely for our own benefit. While I miss air conditioning, I don’t really need it, and as much I would love to take my evening jog in Nike gear, I think I’ll just quit exercising instead.