If our calculations were correct, your weather is terrible right now. Some of us thought it might be, despite the barrage of Climate Change denial tweets from a certain American President. And while some of us are filled with regret over the plight we’ve left you, the individuals in positions of power felt it was best to let you handle it. After all, we live in a time where prevention is frivolous, unnecessary, and far less profitable than treatment. Google “Measles outbreak of 2019,” if you don’t believe us.
If you are casually sipping Pina Colada’s from your veranda overlooking a famous crater on Mars right now, then that is really awesome, and also you can stop reading this. If you are on Earth and dealing with weather that is absolutely trying to kill you right now, please keep reading.
It’s quite possible that our inaction may have played a small role in your climatological chaos. Perhaps you are frantically trying to deal with a category 11 hurricane, poised to obliterate a state that, back in our day, was landlocked. Maybe you are in your Mid-western storm shelter as an F-12 tornado rages above you. All of that sounds terribly frightening.
As you read this apology, perhaps from your yacht over what used to be Orlando, Florida, or from your luxury beachfront mansion in Las Vegas, Nevada, take comfort in the fact that anyone from 100 years ago is even willing to admit that they may have made a mistake. Believe us when we tell you that getting an apology from anyone in 2019 was basically impossible to come by!
It must feel good that a fringe portion of society is finally acknowledging their role in your climatological chaos, as you go forth and battle the weather disaster’s we may have been able to prevent, but didn’t.
Not to pass the buck entirely, but the planet is full of countries and expecting one of the really big ones to try and set an example for all of the other ones, isn’t realistic. That’s sort of logistically impossible.
When you think about it, this whole thing isn’t entirely our fault anyway. I mean sure, our indolent politicians would rather believe their “great minds” over the mounting scientific evidence proving that your plight was eventually going to reveal itself. The blame really lies at the feet of those individuals who coined the term “Global Warming,” when they should’ve referred to it as “Climate change.” These shortsighted individuals had the audacity to think that science would move the needle more than the wordsmithing politicians would. Shame.
You may be asking yourselves why we are even bothering to acknowledge our role in your plight. After all, we’re dead and therefore free from any criticism, perceived or otherwise. The intention was simply to motivate you. Think of it as a pat on the back from your ancestors; a go get ‘em speech designed to help you through whatever disaster we helped create. Be there for 2219 the way you wish that 2019 was there for you.
The fifty states are worth fighting for! Or however many states are still around.