I may technically be a man, but I’ve had some shady dealings with some effeminate things lately. Fir-scented candles being one. Actually, it’s perfectly acceptable for a man to enjoy a fir-scented candle. What isn’t acceptable is harassing the owner of the local boutique shop who gets them in every fall, by inundating her with daily emails asking if they’ve arrived. Continue reading “Manless-ness”
Running with people is the worst form of socialization there is. Let’s get one thing straight, right away. What I do isn’t even considered running. It’s more like stumbling forward while internally sobbing; my heart begging my legs to cease and desist. Continue reading “Running-ish”
Technically, you can drop the bass—and the bass. You can literally drop the bass, but that could cause injury to your foot, so it’s recommended that you only drop the bass in the musical sense, if you are talented enough to do that. Dropping a bass doesn’t require any talent. In fact, I did it once while out on a fishing boat with family and friends. It was highly embarrassing, but the darn thing was extremely slippery. Continue reading “The Homonym Wars”
The other day, at a three-way intersection, my car approached the stop sign at the same time as someone headed in the opposite direction. The other driver motioned for me to proceed, and I motioned for him to do the same. He smiled and firmly waved his hand. I did the same. Slightly amused and slightly annoyed at the standoff, I rolled down my window and yelled, “After you!” He acknowledged and headed down the road toward the rest of his life. Continue reading “Stopped”
It was never a relationship that was going to last. There were too many factors involved. Genetics, for one, probably played the biggest role. Irresponsible decisions I made in my youth had something to do with it, too. Eventually, the decisions you make do have a way of catching up to you. Continue reading “Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow”
In the late 1980s, my Grandmother invited me to the firehouse to play BINGO one Saturday evening. Contrary to what many of my peers thought about doing this, I was sort of intrigued by the idea. As a 13-year-old know-it-all, I knew I would crush these elderly opponents and the riches would be immense. <evil laugh> Continue reading “BINGO!”
Originally run here: https://ultrarunning.com/featured/marathon-on-a-treadmill/
When the temperature soars to quadruple digits, as it did this week, I head indoors to utilize the treadmill at my gym. Running on the planet Mercury isn’t appealing to me. Continue reading “Marathon on a Treadmill”
It was decided on the evening of September 17th, 2017.
September 18th, 2017 would be the day of my 24-hour, self-imposed moratorium on cell phone and internet use. Making the decision to live as my ancestors did was a difficult choice, but one I felt was imperative if I was to gain an understanding of the struggle of the ones that came before me. Continue reading “Communication Irritation”
The 4th of July in October. That’s when I celebrate the most patriotic of holidays. It’s been that way since 1997, when I spent July 4th on the mall of our nation’s capital, surrounded by 4.2 million people, all smelling like stale beer and heat exhaustion. Initially, my anger was directed at the Founding Fathers of our Country for failing to wait until fall to declare their independence. In all seriousness, would waiting a few months have made much of a difference in declaring war against the redcoats? They were British. We were going to win, regardless of when we battled. It wasn’t George and Ben’s or Tom’s fault, though. The blame was my own for simply going with the flow of over 200 years of “tradition.” Not anymore, though. Continue reading “July 4th in October”
I hate trying to fly kites. If you happen to be in the 2.4% of the population that can actually manage to get the stupid thing into the air, your reward? Straining your neck and eyes as a multi-colored parallelogram flies overhead. Wow, what a wondrous prize (eye roll). Continue reading “Go (try to) Fly a Kite”
The Author of Sarcasm 