Altered History: Amazon in 1912


Amazon Customer Service: Hi.  You’ve reached Singh with customer support.  What can I help you with this evening?

Hi Singh.  Mayday!  Mayday!  This is the R.M.S. Titanic.  We just hit a gigantic iceberg and much to my dismay, this impenetrable ship is sinking.

Singh: I’m terribly sorry to hear that, sir.  Stay calm.  To whom am I telegraphing with?

Captain Edward Smith. 

Singh: Hi Captain Smith.  What can I assist you with?

While we were busy bailing water off the starboard side, one of our passengers said that he saw an ad about a guy who sawed a boat in half and then taped it together and rode it across a lake the next day.

Singh: You must be talking about Flex Seal.  It’s one of our top sellers.  It’s an amazing product.  I fixed a gaping hole in my roof using that stuff last weekend.

That’s it!  I need you to send me 481 rolls of Flex Seal tape.

Singh: I understand, Captain.  However, for your convenience, you can order as many rolls of Flex Seal as you’d like online.

Singh, the internet is spotty because it’s 1912 and I’m in the middle of the Atlantic ocean. That’s why I’m calling.

Singh: I see.  No problem, Captain.  I’ll go ahead and place your order for you.  For security purposes, please provide me with your amazon account email address and the last four digits of your credit card #.  Last four digits are 5435.

Singh: Perfect.  What color Flex Seal would you like?

Well, probably black.  White would clash with the ice shards protruding through the hull.

Singh: No problem, Captain.  I see here that you are an amazon prime member, which is a good thing because I can’t guarantee delivery this evening if you are just a regular customer.

Are there actual amazon customers that aren’t prime members?  It’s 1912.  I find that hard to believe.

Singh: I know.  Crazy, right?  Is there anything else I can put in your order?

I do need some kitty litter but I can worry about that when I get back to England.

Singh:  Okay, Captain.  Your transaction was approved and the drone will deliver your Flex Seal within the hour.  According to your GPS coordinates, you appear to be sinking so I’ve gone ahead and thrown in an extra two dozen life jackets, just in case.

Wow, thanks Singh.  You’re a life saver.

Singh: Have a great rest of your evening, sir.

You too, Singh.

4 thoughts on “Altered History: Amazon in 1912”

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